Couples Therapy in Chicago
Meet Our Couples Therapists
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Kim Bachelor, LCSW
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Andrea Espinosa, LCSW
Have You And Your Partner Lost Your Spark?
Have you hit a slump in your relationship?
Are you not getting along as well as you once did?
Do you sometimes wonder if your partner is right for you in the long run or if it’s time to call it quits?
Now that the honeymoon phase of your relationship has waned, perhaps you’ve noticed more friction in your relationship. With the realities of life creeping in, you might be struggling to meet challenges without encountering conflict, miscommunication, or emotional distance. If you’re both busy with other commitments, it may be difficult for you to spend quality time together, only serving to weaken your bond even further.
You Might Feel Misunderstood
The stressors of life events may be leading you to grow frustrated in your relationship. Perhaps you are dealing with infertility issues or, conversely, struggling to co-parent young children. Or maybe there has been infidelity that has left you feeling betrayed, angry, and hurt.
Even if you’re not experiencing major life changes, you might become irritable or noticeably upset whenever you feel misunderstood or ignored by your partner. But rather than your reaction prompting a conversation to talk about what’s wrong, it might cause them to turn inward and withdraw.
Perhaps you’ve asked yourself, “Shouldn’t being in a committed relationship with someone I love be easier than this?” Deep down, you might wish that your partner felt the same way about everything as you did—that way, there would be no disagreements or conflict.
The good news is that couples therapy can bring you back on the same page, even when you don’t agree on something. Working with a marriage therapist at Balanced Awakening, you can learn how to improve your communication style to increase intimacy and connection.
The Evolution Of Romantic Relationships
When we initially meet and fall in love with our romantic partner, we almost always experience an initial "feel good" stage. Fueled by pheromones and oxytocin, aka “the love hormone,” we bond as a couple, and all feels well with the world. However, like all good things, the honeymoon phase doesn’t last forever. Once we commit to each other, we often encounter some level of emotional distress before adjusting to the long-term phase of our partnership.
Whether we like it or not, we are attracted to romantic partners who are uniquely incapable of meeting our needs. This is because we carry the imprint of our primary caregivers into adulthood and look for a partner with similar attributes. Interestingly, the romantic relationships we enter into usually have a funny way of helping us grow emotionally, allowing us to heal from our childhood traumas.
Conflict Is A Common Side Effect Of Change
The core problem that fuels conflict in relationships is the simple truth that our partner is not a carbon copy of us. They don’t always have the same views, express themselves like us, or do things as we would do them.” Furthermore, conflict is more likely to happen during times of transition. When life circumstances change—such as getting married, having kids, or becoming empty nesters—our relationship often gets thrown off-kilter, and we could use some help readjusting to the new normal.
Unfortunately, it's challenging to improve relationships our on our own. Without an outsider’s perspective, we can’t see the reasons why we are in conflict because we’re too close to it. What’s more, we usually don't have the skills to communicate safely with our partners about our needs or feelings.
Conflict in relationships isn’t inherently bad—it’s just emotional growth trying to happen. By learning to navigate conflicts safely and effectively, couples counseling offers you a unique opportunity to grow, heal and expand the possibilities in the life you share.
Therapy Gives Couples Dedicated Time To Focus On Communication-Building
Because of the unrealistic expectations our culture perpetuates about romance and love—especially the way relationships are depicted in movies, books, TV, and social media—you might think your struggles could indicate you’re heading for a breakup. However, most couples experience growing pains within their relationships that can be addressed and repaired in therapy.
Your couples counselor will act as an impartial facilitator whose function will be to work for the good of your relationship. Their primary role in sessions will be to provide you with the skills to communicate safely with each other by emphasizing mutual respect and active listening. Along the way, they will help you prioritize having fun together and creating more positive experiences within your relationship.
What To Expect In Couples Therapy at Balanced Awakening
At Balanced Awakening, our couples therapists have training in either the Gottman Method or Imago Relationship Therapy, and all sessions will be attended together as a couple. Your therapists objective will be to remain unbiased and always put the good of your relationship first.
The main focus of Imago Couples Therapy is learning how to communicate safely so that you can get the love that you want from your partner. The goal is for you to eventually learn how to talk about anything and everything together. This can be achieved through dialogue conducted with your facilitator/therapist to establish parameters and ground rules to abide by throughout treatment. Each of you will feel heard, respected, and validated.
The specific content of what you might explore may include how childhood experiences affect the expectations you have about the relationship. Oftentimes, almost anything you are struggling with in the present day can be tied back to experiences or unmet needs as a child.
Your therapist doesn’t need to know the details of your conflict to help you heal and grow closer as a couple. Although your current disagreements could be anything from "you never take out the trash" to "we don't have sex enough," the focus of therapy will be less on the content of the conflict and more on the context in which it is coming up. Once you’ve perfected having safe conversations within sessions, you will be ready to have them at home, applying them to any scenario that may arise.
An added benefit to the Imago approach is that couples usually spend less time in therapy. Other than needing to come back for occasional booster sessions when you encounter a unique challenge down the road, you leave therapy with the skills you need to engage in safe and effective communication.
Couples therapy with us makes it possible to co-create the kind of life together that excites both of you. Investing in your relationship can help you rekindle your spark and restore the intimacy that may have waned.
But Maybe You’re Not Sure If Couples Therapy Is Right For You…
Is marital counseling appropriate if one of us is on the fence about the future of the relationship?
Being ambivalent about your relationship is normal if you’ve been experiencing conflict. We often recommend clients who are considering marriage counseling commit to the relationship for a reasonable period—about three to six months—and work on things in therapy to determine if what they have is worth fighting for. We can also help with conscious uncoupling and post-divorce co-parenting if that is where the relationship is headed.
The idea of going to marriage therapy is intimidating to my partner.
You might consider asking your partner whether they can commit to a few couples therapy sessions to get started, and then see where it goes. Once underway, they will see how their therapist goes to great lengths to ensure couples counseling remains a safe place to express their feelings. Your couples counselors can work with each of you to determine what the commitment and investment in the relationship should look like.
I am worried that our couples therapist will take sides.
With Imago Relationship Therapy, the therapist will act as more of a facilitator and not be involved in the conversation you’re having, reducing the likelihood of them becoming biased. We aim for each of you to feel emotionally safe in the therapeutic space so that you are comfortable being vulnerable and open with each other. That’s how true healing happens.
At Balanced Awakening, Your Relationship Is The Client
There’s no reason to hold off on building a closer, stronger bond with your partner. If you would like to find out more about couples therapy in Chicago with Balanced Awakening, you may visit our contact page to schedule a free 15-minute call. We now offer in-person and virtual services throughout Chicago, IL. Schedule your first appointment below!
Couples Therapy Blog Posts
Couples Therapy FAQs
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Couples therapy is a type of talk therapy that involves two (or in the case of polyamorous relationship more) people who would like to work on their relationship in some way. Couples therapy can focus on building communication skills, creating safety to express yourself to your partner, making changes to the relationship to have more enjoyable experiences together, or can sometimes involve conscious uncoupling if the couple decides to end the relationship.
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So many! Essentially, anything that may be coming up for either partner in the relationship that is a concern or could be improved. Some common reasons that people seek couples therapy are when there is conflict in the relationship, little to no connecting (like not talking to each other, lack of intimacy), challenges with coparenting, lack of trust, addictions, infidelity, or just a general sense that the spark is gone and things could be better.
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Couples therapy at Balanced Awakening is usually shorter-term, meaning that significant change can occur over the period of 3-6 months in most cases. Some couples stay with us for years, returning for a session to touch base or for the therapist to facilitate a difficult conversation between the partners. In the beginning, we typically recommend weekly or every other week sessions, while the bulk of the “skill building” is happening. Couples therapy clients have an ongoing discussion with their couples therapist about frequency of sessions and length in therapy, too.
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During a couples therapy session at Balanced Awakening, we’ll make sure we’re meeting with you when both of the partners in the couple are present. If you are working with one of our couples therapist who is trained in Imago, your therapist will teach you and your partner how to talk to each other safely in session, and facilitate conversations you may be struggling to have with each other at home. If your therapist is Gottman trained, you will spend some time in sessions building communication skills and working on how both of you can feel better in the relationship.
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If you’re interested, give it a try! There’s really no situation where it’s a wrong fit if both people in the relationship have some interest in improving the relationship.
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Like any therapy session, couples therapy sessions are confidential, meaning what is shared stays with he people who are present in the room (people in the relationship and the therapist). There are situations where as therapists we are ethically obligated to break confidentiality, such as if we learn of any child or elder abuse during a session, but this is rare.
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All of our therapists at Balanced Awakening have extensive training in therapy and mental health. Our couples therapists are either trained in the Gottman Method or Imago Relationship Therapy. Some of our couples therapist have attended 12 days of Imago Relationship Therapy training and are working towards full certification.
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Our couples therapy rate for 55 minutes is $235. We accept BCBS PPO and Aetna insurance.
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Absolutely. Our couples therapist can help you assess your relationship and decide if separation or divorce is a route that you would like to pursue. We help couples with conscious uncoupling as well as coparenting post-divorce.
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Yes, we offer both in person and virtual couples therapy sessions. Sometimes it’s difficult for couples to get into the office, so virtual sessions are an option!